i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
