yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize