i think my tv is drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
