I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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