sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
