Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize