Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
