What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
