How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
