so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Found your dick twin last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
