So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize