I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
