I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
