R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
