I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm both gender and math confused
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