My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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