So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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