Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
