i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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