Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
