Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
