I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
