NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
