the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i out mim tonsoeep
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