Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
