We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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