tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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