ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
