I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
