In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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