Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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