I feel like abortions should bother me more
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
