You're a womanizer and a bitch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
