I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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