got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize