ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
