9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
