Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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