...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
