Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
