shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
