Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
