I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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