I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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