guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
