I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
