So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
