The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
