I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
