Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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