i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
