Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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