So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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