My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
