he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
