Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
