How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
