Pants 0. Shit 1.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
