I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
