i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
