I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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