Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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