ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
