just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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