How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
