umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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