it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize