she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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