He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize