Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
