The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
