No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
