I want to have your abortion
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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