Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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