My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
