I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
