He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
