Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
