i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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