Screwed.edu
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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