He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize