One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
