He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
