what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
