turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
