I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
