he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
