win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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