i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did i walk over a car last night?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
