And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
