does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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