Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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