Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
