I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this is an emotional support booty call
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
