its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
