It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
