Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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