Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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