woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sobbing to NWA
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
