Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
