Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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