FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
