Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
