Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
