I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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