i jhust puked up my retainher.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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