Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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