party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize