how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
