Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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